dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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