Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize