1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
