I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
