We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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