I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
