I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The struggles of a small town man whore
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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