You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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