I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
