Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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