dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
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She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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