I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
