i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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