I think i peed on brittanys purse
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
