you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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