hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she woke up with a sticky ear
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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