He uses pillows to masturbate.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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