I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your dick twin last night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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