your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
