I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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