This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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