I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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