I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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