I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
