She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
