I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
