Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
