he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
