Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You can't motorboat a personality
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
