you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
