We're like a lot better than the average bears
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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