omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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