I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
