Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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