OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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