OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
