My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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