I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
