Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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