Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Come share oat with me in your robe
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
