She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
