I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
