You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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