The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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