At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
the gays at disneyland are vicious
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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