Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
