Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
