Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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