I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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