Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
