Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think I am morally bankrupt
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The struggles of a small town man whore
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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