Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
