dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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