I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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