we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
