You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
