he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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