what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
