Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
