Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize