dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have aggressive nipples.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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