I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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