I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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